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Vulnerability in Womanhood (facing my anger)

I have the strongest conviction that vulnerability within womanhood is of utmost importance. And let's be honest, this doesn't come naturally for any of us. On a large scale, we are built to compare ourselves to the next woman over. We are constantly fighting this internal battle that wages war against who God created us to be. It is only through an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ that we find true satisfaction which quenches every thirst to the question "Am I beautiful?" And isn't this what we all crave - to know our beauty even when our hearts are messy or I dare say, ugly at times?

Jesus, teach us how to become women who embrace vulnerability - who hold nothing back from You or one another. Develop a deeper courage within us to fight against the lies and to hold fast to Your truth. And may we see the beauty within, even among the thorns. We love You. Amen.

Song of Songs 4:7 "You are all together beautiful, my darling, there is no flaw in you."

Honesty, this is what I am striving for in this new season of my life. I want nothing more than to be authentic with every hope that somehow these words will encourage yet also challenge you. I'm not entirely sure where to go with this topic of vulnerability but here we go...Jesus, open our hearts to receive your personal word for each of our lives.

The past 11 months of marriage have been magnificently wonderful & undeniably hard. I have never come face to face with anger as I have in the past year of my life. I have never been presented with the opportunity to grow so much as marriage surely brings. I have never come so close to seeing my sinful nature.

So, here's where it gets real.

Ladies, I struggle with intense anger. I struggle with allowing my emotions to build up so heavily within me that sooner or later, I explode. And by "explode," I mean yelling, (even screaming) to the point of an uncontrollable tongue. There have been many situations in my life where I've done this, but for the purpose of this blog, I want to concentrate on my relationship with my husband.

Ephesians 5:21-24 "And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything."

Proverbs 21:19 "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife."

So what exactly does a quarrelsome wife do?

* she nags

* she nags again

* she huffs & sighs

* she challenges her husbands authority

* she makes him feel incompetent

* she grumbles

* she reminds him of past failures

* she degrades him verbally

I've done all of this in the past year of marriage. I have faced my anger in the most ugliest of ways. I have looked at myself in the mirror and wondered where my beauty disappeared to. In our worst of fights, I have emasculated my husband through my words.

Now, if Ben were writing this blog he would say honestly that he has not always loved me as Christ loves the church. (Ephesians 5:25-28) He would be vulnerable about his own areas of sin & his growth in learning how to love me, his wife, unconditionally.

Once again, for the purpose of this blog, I feel it is of utmost importance to focus on our responsibility as wives.

Wives (or soon to be wives), there is immense power in our tongues. We have been given the gift of uplifting our husbands to a place where they feel strengthened to lead and protect our families. We have been commanded by God in His Word to respect our husbands...unconditionally. Yes. Unconditionally. Not when they are doing everything "right," which by the way, they never will because they are human, just as we are. We have been given the authority to speak Truth into our husbands hearts in a way that honors Christ.

A godly, Christ-centered marriage is not based on conditions. If my respect towards my husband is merely based on when he gets it "right," or does things my way, I am setting myself up for intense anger. However, if my respect towards him is unconditional, I am setting myself up for greater growth than I've ever thought was possible.

Marriage is a choice of unconditional love & respect between a husband and wife. If there is anything I have learned in my short 11 months of being married, it is the power of forgiveness. Forgiveness frees. Forgiveness restores. Forgiveness unifies. Forgiveness conquers.

I am so deeply thankful for the forgiveness I have received from Christ through my husband. He is no where near perfect (neither am I) but the extravagant love he has shown me through my mess has brought greater freedom to my life than I ever knew was possible.

I am a work that God is continually fashioning into something beautiful. So are you.

I am a woman being daily pruned through the Holy Spirit. So are you.

I am a woman learning how to walk in grace towards myself. So are you.

I am a woman who is free from all shame & condemnation. So are you.

Biblical womanhood isn't about perfection. It's about being transformed, more and more, into the likeness of Christ so that we shine with His glory, not our own.

So today, I challenge you to look yourself in the mirror and say "I am beautiful," because dear friend, this is the truth that will forever set your heart free to live FULLY!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this blog. Please feel free to email me if you have thoughts or need prayer. I would be honored to pray with you.

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