Pregnancy, Loss & Body Image
13 weeks down with this little one and I am so thankful to be out of the first trimester. Where has the time gone? It is true that time flies faster with pregnancy when you already have children to look after =)
This pregnancy has been marked by a firm knowing that our God hears every cry and brings joy from tears. Many of you know that my husband and I have faced not one but two miscarriages. And in between those losses came our son, Jedidiah, which means "Beloved of the Lord." Pregnancy after loss is a weird and profound mixture of emotions. Excitement wants to build up but caution raises its flag very high for quite awhile. The heart and mind just feel on edge while at the same time, you're trying to remain in a peaceful place. If you've walked down this road, I know there is so much more to say. (and honestly I'd rather be sitting with you over tea just chatting about our stories) All I know is what I've learned: and that is God is in the midst of grief and joy. He truly does hold us when we are bent at the knees weeping and He also holds us when we stand in joy but also anxiousness. He is the God who will never disappoint, even through loss. With our second miscarriage, I had to come face to face with my attitude towards God that He owed me. I recognized in a very painful way that I thought I was entitled to having more children. And this...I was not. Children are a gift. Not a possession.
One of my only desires for this pregnancy is to focus on wholeness of health mentally, emotionally and physically. This means a wide scope of things I'm doing differently this time around which can also serve as my tips for other expecting mamas =)
Take rest breaks throughout my day when needed.
Take a nap when my toddler naps. (literally, this saved my life during 1st trimester and still does)
Follow along a pre-natal workout program ---> mine is www.glowbodypt.com
Walk everyday (just about).
Give myself lottts of grace when I can't complete as many tasks on my list or even have as much energy for my son as I would like to.
Thinking and planning ahead for my business so that, during postpartum, there isn't as much momentum lost.
I'm NOT taking a pre-natal vitamin this time.
I'm NOT looking intently at a pregnancy app or videos this time (honestly, I just forget!)
I am buying myself more maternity clothes that feel good on my body and help my countenance feel beautiful as the belly grows.
I am praying through how to look at my body differently this time around - desiring to have a healthier perspective than I did with my son's pregnancy. This very much includes my weight as I started off weighing about 15 pounds more than I did with my son.
This is where the rubber meets the road for me. This may sound a bit harsh but I am truly disgusted with the modern day way we view our bodies from pregnancy to postpartum. There is too much emphasis on staying within a certain weight and losing the baby weight quickly. As if to say that our beauty as women is all centered around the scale and if we don't fit into that specific number, then we don't fit into the Pinterest boards. Where is our overall BIBLICAL perspective on health? What does the bible say about healthy living? That's what I want more than anything else at this point in my life.
3 John 1:2
Look up and meditate on these passages, dear friend. Let the Lord bring His picture of health and beauty to your heart today. Let Him fill you anew.
I'm not saying we shouldn't focus on the practical side of exercise and eating whole foods. If you know me, this is non-negotiable when it comes to living a healthy life BUT it's not the end all be all. It's not even the first thing we should turn to. We need the Truth of God's Word before any other steps are taken. We need to know who we are in Christ and how deeply He loves us before we do anything else.
As I close this blog, I just want to say:
You are enough, mama.
You are beautiful, mama.
Have a wonderful day!
P.S. Nausea aids this time around ---> lots and lot of lemon water + sourdough bread =)