Just like it was yesterday, I remember so vividly the comments said to me over nearly a decade about how to find my husband. I also remember the constant dialogue I had with myself about this intense longing, wondering if I was doing enough to put myself "out there." My peace and joy in singleness ebbed and flowed. Many times I struggled with anxiety, not knowing if God would ever answer this prayer of mine. Over time, my thoughts shifted, my attitude changed and God began doing something in me that prepared my heart for meeting my husband.
Ladies, let me warn you. This is not a typical "how to" blog. I don't have a magic formula that will lead you to your husband. All I have is my own life experience and I sincerely pray that it encourages you today.
To all the women out there reading this... at least the ones that desire to be married:
I just want to free your heart by speaking this over you:
You don't need to search anymore.
My quest to be married often overshadowed what I knew God was trying to do in me during my single years. My quest to be married was just that. A quest. I wanted so badly to be married...to hold that "title" that eventually, at age 24, I sacrificed what I really wanted in a husband. I found myself heartbroken over a dating / engagement relationship that proved to be far from healthy. Suddenly my dream of being married came crumbling down (thank God!) and I was faced with all my discontentment.
And let's just talk about discontentment for a second.
Is it possible to be content in singleness?
Is it possible when the longing to be married is so intense that it feels as if your heart will break some days?
Yes. It is.
I don't say this lightly because I understand.
I really do.
It was at the point of complete discontentment that I finally surrendered all of my dreams to Jesus. It was at the breaking point that He began to heal me, restore me and enable me to dream again. It was when I was on my knees out of desperation for Christ alone that my heart started to change.
"For He knows the way I will take.
When He has tested me,
I will come forth as gold."
As time went by leading up to meeting my husband, I learned how to be content in my singleness. I learned the beauty of waiting patiently. I learned the significance of becoming more like Christ. I learned that it was not about finding my husband. It was about finding myself in Jesus. I became more focused on becoming the woman I was created to be; the kind of wife I wanted to be if / when the Lord answered that prayer.
And then it was out of that place of contentment that the search for my husband stopped.
And not too far along did he finally show up.
What was the beginning of our journey?
A blind date.
But I'll save that story for another time!
If you need prayer or just a listening ear, I am here. And when I say I understand, I sincerely do. Please feel free to reply to this blog if you just need to know you're not alone!
Live life to the fullest,